Role of Love

0:01 This program is designed to provide general information with regards to the subject matters covered. This information is given with the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial, legal counseling, professional service, or any advice. You should seek the services of competent professionals before applying or trying any suggested ideas. At the end of the day, it's not about what you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up, who you've made better. It's about what you've given back. Denzel Washington, welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you to do the same. Paul Szulton, welcome to the show. Thank you, Doctor Doug. Pleasure to be with you to well, I really appreciate you being on the show. So let the audience know where are you living at this point in time. I'm just two hours north of Las Vegas in Saint George, Utah. Okay, great, And you know what I find really interesting is the reason why people tend to get to the point that they are from a standpoint of doing what they're doing to make a difference in people's lives. So I'd love for you to share with the audience what brought you to this point in your life where you're doing

1:34 what you're doing, where you've written your book. I don't believe it's called role of love, and what brought this all about? What were the experiences and so forth that brought you to this point, Doctor Doug. I had a habit that I didn't know that I had a habit about till about fifteen years ago, that I was dating someone at the first marriage fell apart after twenty one and or twenty three and a half years fell apart, and so I was dating and got serious with someone. I'm number ten of eleven children, so I need big brother approval. Everything I do has to have big brother big sister approval. So I took this woman to my brother's house, actually three hundred miles northward where I live in Salt Lake City. He lived there, and I took her there. And first thing that happened, I take take her into the house. My sister in law pulls her aside and says, the only emotion that the Zolman family learned growing up was anger.

2:30 At first I denied, said, oh oh, then it made me mad, and I thought I just verified exactly what she just said. And I didn't realize that I had that problem, and my siblings had the problem, and my father had the problem. And what the problem was, doctor Doug, is that we was stacked annoyance on top of annoyance on top of annoyance on top of annoyance, until we had a flash of anger. We'd go back down and we start stacking annoyances. For me, it wasn't much annoyance about myself. I was I knew everything, so to speak, because that's the dysfunctional family I grew up in. We know it alls and everybody else is lower, and we put them down to be lower as well. So we criticize, and we were stacking these annoyances and then having flash of anger.

3:20 What I didn't realize is that that I had that, and I didn't realize, well, how did you get out of that? It was kind of a knee jerk reaction, doctor Doug, and I didn't know a way out. So but at that point of time, I realized that if that's a generational habit, and it seemed like it was. If that's the habit, I don't want the habit anymore, and I don't want to pass it on to my children. Well, and you know that that is so interesting because you bring up such an interesting point. You know, environmentally, we think we can pass it on. I think from the standpoint of genetics, the epigenetics is where we received those types of activities in our lives and they become embedded epigenetically in our system, and then we passed that on and so it's just a continual passing on and passing on and passing on from one generation to the other. And what a blessing it is when you can stop that.

4:20 I know that in my case, I found out, you know, a while ago later after my dad's passed away, that his father was you know, pretty strong willed and would take a belt to my dad. And I was always wondering why six of us, why none of the children were ever spanked, And I realized, wow, later on, that he literally consciously made a decision to change that epigenetic heredity. And because of that, as far as I know, with all my siblings that that has not been touched on. So none of us really are doing that, and so I think it's amazing that you have been able to recognize that and realize that, yes, some of these habits or whatever you want to call it, can be passed through other generations unless we consciously make a decision not to do that.

5:21 I agree, doctor Doug. My grandfather had nineteen children and my father only had eleven. I only had eight, and my children were only having three. And that's just it looks like it's stopping pretty soon. I won't have any grandchildren. I want more grandchildren. And again, doctor Doug, it's out of my control. And I realized in this whole process, I realized that looking at other people and criticizing them for what they're doing was really out of my control. It's just as if I'm trying to beckon someone to love me, how's that going to turn out? I mean, it's just doesn't turn out. Can't bid someone to love you in the way that you want to be loved. You can't. It's either they either treat that as an expectation or they treat it as a duty. And that's what I was finding. What I do have control over is sending love out and responding when comes back my way. Well, let's talk about what you experienced as a child. Let's talk about you know, so the audience really understands what were the things that you experienced that created that sense of anger and that response of anger when events would occur that just kind of naturally happens. So I'm number ten of eleven, as I'd mentioned, and my father. One of the things that I love about my father is that he dated my mother every Friday night, didn't miss. I don't know how he did it. I can't even duplicate that in my own life. I don't know how you didn't miss.

6:55 But he wasn't very creative about it, Doctor Doug. He was always the Maverick bar and it was always over alcohol. And so as he's getting in bye my butt, I was never there. But I can guess that my mother started at the top of the line, and by the time he's getting annoyed, annoyed, annoyed, annoyed, he's ready for that flash of anger at number ten B. I'm the target right now that in addition to I'm between two girls, an older sister and a younger sister, and he valued women. By taking my mother out every single every single Friday night, I knew he valued women, and he valued those daughters that he had. So if I looked cross at those girls, I was in trouble. If I did anything out of the ordinary, I was in trouble because he got annoyed from all the older brothers. Those older brothers did terrible things. They were riding a motorcycle up and down the clinic parking lot in our backyard, which was a clinic parking lot. There were chains across and posts and everything that hit the and they'd lifted the motorcycle and they'd hurt themselves and they'd have medical problems, and we had more medical bills. And he'd get all annoyed at all this, but he'd take that annoyance out on me. I felt that way. I felt I was targeted in that way. And the other things that happened. People talk over each other. Part of that angry culture is that you talk over someone else because what you have to say seems like it's more important than what they have to say. And that's part of the

8:28 culture. Another part of it is all the put downs. Always putting people down, always has that sarcasm. You're taking their legs out from under him. That's it's verbal abuse, it's physical abuse. Sometimes there was some sexual abuse in there. All those abuses were part of the household. Oh wow, oh wow. And so literally, and I get what you're saying. Literally, you you developed some of those subconscious beliefs that brought about it. But I can imagine also part of that is you know, I mean for me what I experience and I never experienced that type of thing, but my dad was very strong personality, and so I think as I started to do that introspective work years ago, that I realized, you know what, and I think most people have this that I'm not good enough, and we don't realize that those limiting beliefs create our life. It creates the reality of our life, and we tend to attract those situations in given time to the point where we literally experienced the fact that hey, we're not good enough. And so for you that the anger and all of that type of thing is amazing how it literally can affect us. But what I love is the fact that you became aware of that. What was the what was that moment? If there was a moment where you finally had that aha moment of ho oh,

10:00 my goodness, I've got to make a change here. I think that the start of the doctor Doug was when I'm about thirty five. Most people realize that they're responsible for their own stuff a whole lot earlier than that, and it took me to age thirty five to realize that, oh, I got to stop blaming him for the way I act. He'd already been dead for seven years at age thirty five, So I'm blaming a guy that can't even respond. He can't stand his ground, he can't I can't even have a discussion with him to talk it out. But I'm still blaming him for what's happening in my life. And at that point in time, I said woke up and I thought, oh, I'm responsible for my own stuff. It was a down moment, but it also was a crystallizing moment that if I'm responsible, I'm going to make it a lot better. And so that really was a turning point for me, in addition to the turning point that I mentioned a little bit earlier. Well, and I love the fact that you use the word responsible because I think so many times we have we see people and we've all experiences in our own lives where we tend to find ourselves in that victim mode and we blame others for what happened, or we blame God for what happened, or we blame the universe for what happened or whatever that happens to be, or we blame karma for what happened, all of those types of things. And yet the biggest challenge, as you said, and it's not easy, is to take that personal responsibility and say, you know

11:33 what, I am responsible for my life. I am responsible for my emotions, and I'm responsible for my perception of what's going on in my life and what I receive based on the fact that I put out that energy and therefore I get equal energy back. So I love the fact that you talk about responsibility absolutely doctored of And I realized at that moment that if I can blame someone for something I don't have to change, it's their fault. Go talk to them. And it's just that shirking of any responsibility makes you be in a spot that you don't have to change. It almost puts you in neutral gear that you can go uphill downhill, you can go wherever. It doesn't matter. You don't have to change a bit. The thing that self actualization moments that you have puts you on a spectrum. It puts you on a spectrum. And I found a walking stick a while back that just found it around in my neighborhood. Didn't have any bark on it, just like this, about three and a half feet tall, and on one side it's really smooth. On the other side it's got some points and tips on it for the listeners. I'm just trying to explain it. But what I found was that that being nice was more on the loving side of the spectrum. Being angry was on the knotty side. Santa Claus, I'm sure has a stick just like that, doctor Doug. And that's how you get your presence at Christmas time. I knew you didn't know that, but that's how you do that. And so what I realized was that some of the things that if

13:05 I could attach an adjective to those or a description to the type of activity that I was doing at that moment, have that self actualizing moment, I could find out where it was on the spectrum. Then I would say, well, what's the opposite of that and then find out where that was on the spectrum. Take, for example, the word sarcasm knaughty or nice side of the spectrum, I would put it on the knotty or the angry side the spectrum. What would be the opposite, And what comes to mind for me is someone that's genuine, someone that's authentic, someone that's true blue. Put all those words out on the table, most people are going to choose that they want to be authentic, they want to be true yes, and they want to be able to listen. I find that that that was something that I really struggled with as a parent for a while, and I finally had a long conversation with my kids and now we laugh about it. But I learned, because of my strong personality that I always found myself making comments and you know, giving my opinion, which they perceived as challenging them number one, or saying that they, you know, were making the wrong decisions or whatever that happened to be. And I learned finally that I had to literally say, all right, you want me to listen or do you want my opinion? And oftentimes I say, Dad, I just want you to listen, and okay, and I wouldn't say another word, And other times

14:37 I say no, Dad, I really want your opinion here, and so then I would do that, but coups that with understanding who they were. So I think it's really fascinating. I love how you talk about the spectrum and we can look at one area of the spectrum and go to the opposite side and recognize that, hey, you know what, if I can change from here over to here, it's just completely changed the conversation and changed the dynamics of those relationships absolutely, doctor Dobin. What I look at it as is that's the only time that you can have vision. If you're blaming someone, there is no room to change. You don't know where you are on the spectrum. Put an adjective to You'll find out where you're out of the spectrum then and only then when you're on that stick. When you're on that spectrum, then can you make goals to be worse or better. And that's the only time that you can make goals when you have been identified where am I? Where am I on that spectrum? So let's talk about one thing that you mentioned a little bit. But when we talk about you know, family traditions and I'm not sure I like that word, but at the same time, I think it's true. If we see that tradition of anger, if we see those type of things going on, Once we recognize that that's effect in our lives, how do we reverse that in our own lives those family traditions. That is a great question. Doctor Doug and I struggled with it for quite a few years, quite a few things to see what it

16:10 was, and I realized that most of all appeared very similar to an addiction. If you've got an addiction, you have to have that replacement behavior. So I was looking for a long time, well, what would be in replacement behavior of being critical? I was looking at maybe ten, maybe twenty percent of what's wrong with that person, or twenty percent of their personality would be their faults and the mistakes and their misgivings, their fault just what was wrong with them. I was missing eighty to ninety percent of what was good about that person. So when I realized that and was able to dice that up, I said, oh, I'm missing all this over here. So what I created was a tool. It's just a dice that I created that I created the icons or the pictures that have the love language is on the dice. So on the dice right now for your listeners that are not seeing the video. There's a hand holding an hourglass. This side would represent time.

17:10 Spending time would be a love language. The next one has looks like a waiter holding a platter that would represent service. Next one is like the Taylor Swift heart, putting your two hands together to form a heart. But this heart's a little different. It's got a conversation fly out, so this would be the words from the heart. Next side has a hand holding a gift. And then the last last of the five love languages would be two hands touching each other. Looks like they're holding hands. Five love languages, six sides on the cube. This one surprised me. So what I found, doctor Doug is is as I created this. This was a tool that I don't know how I came up with it except that I thought, well, maybe I'll make it a game if I can learn the five love languages.

17:55 Because I read the book four or five times, I did not get it. Just didn't understand what doctor Chapman was trying to say. I like the principles of the five love languages, but his application wasn't working for me. You mean, doctor Chapman. If I if I guess what doctor Doug's love language is and catered to that, we're going to be buddies, that sounds more like a manipulation. And I'm a bad guesser wasn't working for me up until that point in my life. Why was it? Why would it continue work in the future. It just wasn't working for me. And the second thing that doctor Chapman has in his book is that, well, if you take this survey, I'll be able to find out what my love language is. Well, doctor Chapman, When the heck am I supposed to do with that? Advertise? Hello, doctor Doug, I'm gifts. What do you have for me today? This is so awkward. It just and that does not develop good relationships. So that wasn't working for me either. So the applications doctor Chapman hadn't didn't work. So I thought, well, I'll contact doctor Chapman. I'll ask him if he'll licensed those little pictures that he had for the for the love languages. After a couple of weeks, as attorney wrote back, said no, we're not doing that right now. So I had an attorney in my neighborhood that I went to. Here's a copyright attorney. He said, theory like the love language, theory is not copyrightable.

19:11 Application is. So they weren't doing it as a game. I created my own ecounts made it into a game. There's just two instruction, doctor, like the dice every day whatever it lads on, that is the love language. You practice giving away all day that day, all day to everybody. And what you're watching for is for people to light up. When they light up, that's their primary or secondary love language. No longer do you have to say, excuse me, could we pause this relationship for just a moment? Well, have you take this survey so I know I do love you? That's awkward. You don't have to do awkward anymore. So this is what doctor Doug. This is what helped me move away from that habit of being critical, to the habit of being what's right with that person?

19:56 What can I love about that person? And focusing on their positive tre focusing on that eighty to ninety percent of what's good about that person. And I was so busy doing that, I forgot to be annoyed. I forgot to look at other people's faults and mistakes, and it's easier now to look for what's right about them. Oh, I love that concept and the game. I think that's fantastic. You know, it's it's really interesting as you're talking about this and what comes to my mind. And this is because I've you know, really received so much information from people that I've been able to interview, including yourself. But what I find fascinating is that what you're really saying in my mind is here are these emotions that are there subconsciously that any event can trigger at any point in time. And yet you are consciously with your mindset saying I'm going to do something different, and you are creating a different environ because you are number one, taking the responsibility, but number two, you are purposely and consciously making a decision to do something different. And I love what you talk about with the love languages. I find that so interesting because you know, being able to recognize ultimately what someone else's love language is and then being able to communicate in a way that they receive that, what a difference that has to make in their lives, not only in your life,

21:30 Because now you've eliminated some of that habitual anger and so forth. But what a difference that makes in their lives when they find that there's someone that is expressing quote that type of love to them. Absolutely, doctor Doug. What I found out is that as I interact with people, and I'm interacting quite a bit through the day, but I can light up three to ten people in a day, it actually does exactly what you said, doctor Doug. It makes their day. And when I can make somebody day, help them have a happier day, there's great satisfaction for me to be able to do that too. It really is almost that motivating, that adrenaline juice that keeps you going to keep going with that purpose that you talk about that purpose or that theme of the day all day long. And that's why there's pictures.

22:21 There's no words on the dice. That's why it's pictures. Those pictures are memory hooks. You're you're been out of the country yourself, doctor Doug, and you know that if you're going to learn a foreign language, you have to have memory hooks because the words are totally different than what you're used to and so if you can attach a hook or a visual to that word that you're talking about, then that word's going to stay in your mind. Take, for example, the word elephant, E, L, E, P, H, and and T doesn't come to mind. The picture comes to mind. Well, And so I want to stop right here and find out how does one get one of those ice one of those language dies to you actually make them available to people, or is this just kind of your own thing, you know, Doctor Doug actually started out as my own thing, and it started out like this. You can see it's a two and a half inch block of wood, and you can see the very sharp edges on the wood. And it was kind of an epiphany when I said, oh, I'm the person with sharp edges. I'm kind of like that block of wood and I and this was this was really kind of a weighted dice because if I had that whatever I wanted on top, it would go thunk, dunk, thunk, and it might show up on top, or if I knew it'd be three thunks. By rolling, it wasn't rolling very well because of the sharp edges. I had to had to babble the edges off.

23:48 Now rolled a lot better, and then it took two years to get the regular artwork to become to get the dice. So I do create the dice. I did make these dice one about one inch square or one if cubed, and I provide them for others as well. You can get it at my website rollolove dot com. And it's a kind of a play on words, Doctor Doug, you roll ROLLL the dice outside of you, r l E is what changes you within. It's rol e of love dot com. Okay, I appreciate that because I'm going to order one of those and when I get back to the US. But here's the question that I have. You know, one of the things that I have read a lot about, and I think that I've heard philosophically this a lot, is that in order to be able to give love, you need to be able to receive and feel love. You cannot give what you don't have personally. What are your thoughts on that and where you experience, what you experienced in your childhood, how did you get to the point where you were receiving sufficient love that you could then share that with others. Because it's one thing to use words, it's another thing to use that emotion of love behind those words that really then affects the other person, Doctor Doug. That's a great question, and I want to kind of couch it in a way that my parents grew up.

25:12 My mother graduated from eighth grade and did get any other education. Became a truck driver. That's why he came home on weekends, and he came home on Fridays. That's when he dated my mother, and my mother had a high school education. I really put a lot of stock in education. All my children now, with exception of just one, have college degrees. And so it took me twenty two years to get a college degree. But after I did that, I felt a lot more calm. I felt a lot more understanding than any other time in my whole life. Education is key, and you need to invest in yourself to get that education. Whether it's books, whether it was my book, whether it's doctor Chapman's book, whether it's books or other books about love and about expressing yourself in a pro ways.

26:00 One of the first books I bought was maybe The Art of Conversation or the Game of Work, and it was very old books back in the early eighties that I bought these books. But I wanted to get better in that way. I wanted to make work a game so it didn't seem like I was working all the rest of my life. Now here here here it is. I made my own game, and it's kind of it's loving is it can be called work, but it's really a lot of fun, you know, you said it's it's that it might be difficult to give love a way if you don't have that inside. I think education, like I said, was a key. But you're not going to sit in a chair in your house and expect love to come knocking on your door. But I know that you can walk in your neighborhood and there's pain under every household. Pain.

26:52 If you'll find someone that is maybe just a little lower, feeling a little lower than you are, that day, you can raise them up, You can uplift them, help them have a better day. And when you do that, not only is their day better, not only have you brightened their life, but you brighten your own life as well. All right, So as you're giving love, you're receiving love, and perhaps from a higher realm that's occurring. But the reality, I love what you say. The reality is is that you really as you seek to give love to others you receive love yourself and that just increases and increases, which I really love. So what have you experienced now? I mean, you've literally made some changes, and I don't know how many years this is, but as you talked about how you really started to make that change and do something completely different, how has that affected your life and how has that affected the life of those around you that are more personal friends, your family, or so forth. Great question, doctor Legg. Obviously, when you try something new, whether stopping smoking or or not smoking, or you're doing trying to trying to break an old habit that all your friends know about, there's always skepticism. Sometimes there's a lot of encouragement. Sometimes there's no encouragement. Sometimes there are hecklers whatever

28:22 it is that they're gonna they're watching you. They're absolutely watching you, and they'll they'll have that fine tooth comb out to watch for for errors. Hopefully they're not of the type of person that I was stacking those annoyances until they have the flash of anchor being annoyed at you that you're not keeping true to what you're trying to do. You'll you'll make mistakes and you'll you'll you'll just try to fix those mistakes along the way. And I think that people that are your friends are going to be give you some of that latitude to be able to do that. For new people that you meet, new friends that you make, it's really you're going to be a totally different person than what your old friends looked at and thought you were. When you get and it's a little trepidated when it's almost like an imposter syndrome, so to speak, that you get to the point that, well, I'm not really that loving person because I'm this person that was stacking the annoyances and more critical as a child. I thought it'd be a great movie critic. But I didn't like watching movies, but I liked being critical, So they didn't. They didn't mess together. But it was just that thing that people are gunshy if you were a critical person like I was. If you're a critical person, people are gonna be gun shy around you. You'll repel the people. It's like that person in the swimming pool that has an accident, doctor Doug, and then everybody scatters said, wasn't me, It wasn't me, wasn't me.

29:48 There you are isolated all by yourself. I didn't want those feelings anymore. I did not want to send people away to repel people. I wanted people to start coming to me. So that's what it looks like now that people come to me and they know that I'll be more loving, especially new people that I've met. But my family starting to come back, They're starting to believe that there actually has been a change. There actually has been some some differences that that I've made in my own life that are worth coming back and looking looking at. You know, and you say something that I find fascinating, and I think it's a common statement, but I'm not sure I agree with it. Yeah, when you talk about you know, you're innately angry or this or that that's just who you were. Uh. You know, My sense is that innately we are good. We are loving. We we we really are we. We came to this earth as a genuinely good, loving being person. But what happens then is between the ages of zero, at about eight seven or eight, all of a sudden, all of those elements of our environment, of our parents, of our school, of our religion, of all of those types of things start to affect us, and our perception is is that if those things are occurring, that is true, and therefore we embed within ourselves a belief system that we believe is true.

31:23 And therefore we say, well that innately, this is how I am, when in fact that's not true. It's just merely things that have been embedded in your conscious and subconscious mind, that is what it is. And yet if you really get behind that, and you know, move all of that away, all of a sudden, you realize, you know what, there is a goodness innately about me. And I think it's important for people to understand that that they are truly good, They're truly kind, they're truly loving. That's who they are, and it's all this other junk that has been embedded into our lives that has created who we think we are, when in fact, in reality, that's not who we are. I agree with you, doctor Dugan. If I said and that was probably that was very much the wrong word to say. It was more of a personality trait that I had at the time when that association early early with my children, early with my family, that association would have me be more angry or stacking those annoyances than a critical type of person. But now it's different now. What I find I'm doing is I'm stacking kindness on top of kindness, on top of kindness on top of kindness, and it doesn't come to any flash of kindness, but it comes to a new realization of higher laws of love. These laws of the five love languages are basic, basic literacy levels of love in

32:59 my mind, my estimation, but we can use them as stair steps, doctor Doug to get to the higher laws of love like charity or compassion, or forgiveness or mercy, or trust or intimacy. Can you imagine someone wanting intimacy and an insult to insult insult, insult insult and expecting it at the end of the day or whenever. Expecting it doesn't work, Absolutely doesn't work. You've got to have stack those kindnesses to get to those higher laws of love. And that's the joy and the great feelings that I've got right now, And the great happiness that I'm finding is that this is much better life. I don't want that that life of criticism anymore. I just like this life of that's stacking the kindnesses. And so as I do that, more people are starting to believe that, yeah, he's trying to be as kind as possible. I know I have a lot of voice, and I love how you really are using this word of this kind scept you didn't use it of becoming. You know, as you say, you start out with these love languages and consciously doing what you're doing with your dyce and so forth, but then ultimately it brings you to a point where you have become one of empathy, You become one of kindness, you become one of giving, all of those type of things that all of the religious leaders that we have ever experienced, whether it's Buddha, whether it's Christ, whether it's Muhammad, all of those leaders talked about that higher level of kindness, of empathy, of

34:34 giving, and what you're sharing, in my mind is a way a stepping stonewayh stares to be able to move to that point in our lives where we become that and we naturally or that. I'm curious what motivated you to write your book Role of Love and what do you describe in that book and how can that help people to better their own personal lives as they read it. Good question, doctor Doug, And I love that you talked about getting to the nirvana, the actually that hard level. I love the word nirvana. It's just one of those words I like. But what motivated me to write the book? I actually copyrighted the Dice in twenty seventeen, and I had it and I was testing the market and seeing if if there might be other people like myself that might want to overcome that addiction to be critical or that tendency to be critical and want to be more positive in their life. And I was finding finding a little success here and there. One time I presented it in a couple of years ago, I presented it to a family health or a family mental health specialist, just with him. He's in the area where I live, and he said this. He says, it's a great tool, except that it doesn't come with a manual. He said, you actually need. This is so different, such a different application from what doctor

36:06 Chapman had provided. Doctor Chapman's application was more a romantic type of relationship. I created this when I'm single, And I said, doctor Chapman, who in the heck am I supposed to love? I don't have that significant other that you're talking about. And I realized, oh, I get to love everybody. And it was perfect for me, because I don't know anybody doctor Doug that's with their significant other twenty four to seven. I needed a consistent and a constant, almost as it were, a constant way to change that habit, change that habit of being critical. This was the perfect vehicle for me. I had to create a habit of what's right about that person?

36:49 What are the virtues of that person, looking at their virtues all day long, looking at the virtues of everyone all day long. And by doing that I was able to make the changes. But the mental health specialists said that I need to write a book because of that big difference there is in the way that this is applied. So with his instructions or with that idea, I quickly was able to write down all the ideas that I had and put it out on a spreadsheet. And when I put it out on a spreadsheet, I had ten different columns, thinking I'd have ten different chapters. That ended up to have eleven chapters, but ten different chapters. And I put everything that applied to that theme on that chapter in the columns. And it took less than six weeks to write. The book took longer to edit.

37:42 It took longer to create a to organize it, to format the book, and to create the cover. But published it just last year in January. Wow, And how do folks reach your book? How do they find it? They can also find it on my website where they'll find the dice Roll Oflove dot com. Or the book actually is on Audible. If you've got many listeners that love listening to podcasts, love listening to books on Audible, they can find it on Audible on Amazon. And if they go on Amazon, they want to type in my name Paul Zolman, the O L M A N. And it's uh, they don't want to type in roll of Love. You'll get love this love that love a million things because of all the things that about love. On Amazon, but type in my name, it'll take you right to it. You'll get to there's a kindle version of the book and the Audible version, the paper version for those that are international, paper version might be something that they can get. But the dice I only have on my website, and so is as you purchase the book or as you listen to the book. And I'm going to get it on Audible because I love that when I walk, I love to listen to that.

38:52 Is that specific towards the dice? Is is it a is it, as you say, kind of a manual of how to use the dice and how to apply that whole concept. So people can literally read that and go, Okay, I'm choosing to use this concept to improve my life in the life of those around me. Is that what it is is kind of a manual of how to do all of this. It could be doctor Doug and in essence, yes, it would be the answer. But don't get hung up on that. The whole concept of what I'm trying to put forth is, let's make this world a little bit more loving place. There's so much violence, so much other stuff, so much other garbage going around. Why can't we change ourselves? Why can't we just be that person to go out there?

39:37 And so I'm going to give you give your listeners a hack. You can use this as a hack for yourself too. If you're gonna do the download of the audible, this is a great hack. Just find a dice, any dice that has the numbers on it, and then and then on a piece of paper right one, two, three, four, five, six, and then list all the sides of the dice, so the last side has surprised me on that day. You're just watching for opportunities to random acts of kindness. So list all of it, doesn't it doesn't matter what order you listen in, but put six, six numbers and six names of the sides of the dice, and then you just roll that dice whatever number you come up with. That's the love language of practicing that day. So you can do a little hack. I'm telling you a hack. I'm the guy that made this and I'm telling you the hack. So that's what you can do. Really, really, don't even have to have the dice.

40:32 Just set out to be more loving today. Start I enjoy that, you know, I as I've read that, and you're right, there's five, and I've always thought, you know what, there's one more missing. And to me, what that six one was was communication. And because I think so many people, you know, you you receive all of those other things, whether it's gifts, whether it's time, whether it's you know, service, whatever that happens to be, whether it's you know, just the physical touch of holding hands and hugging or whatever. But what I found is that that for me, anyway, the sixth to one would be communication and recognizing that all of this can only happen if we're willing to communicate, and the other person with whom we are seeking to develop those type of friendships and so forth, will also be willing to communicate. So anyway, that was just that was just the thought that came into my mind. So as we as we close today, I'd love for you to share with the audience if if you could, what would be the main message that you'd like to leave with them today. Great question, doctor, Thank you for that. You know, one of the things, there's a couple of things I like. One one is the there's we're talking about languages here, love languages, but there's a language dialect and they're in India called the Sanskrit dialect. From that Sanskrit

42:02 dialect, we get that word in nirvana, we get that word karma, but we also get a word called namasteh Namaste is what you hear at the end of a yoga class. The teacher puts there hands together, the thumb to the chest and bows their head, close their eyes and said namaste. What it means? It doesn't mean, hey, all class is over, you can go now. Doesn't mean that in the Hindu interpretation, it means the God in me sees the God in you, or put another way, the divine in me sees the divine in you. I love that part and I think that as we're looking at other people, we're watching for what's divine about them. In India, I've had several podcasts with podcasters like yourself, doctor Doug in India and these there was a thirty eight year old that was the podcaster and ask him what is it about the people in India that makes them so loving, so kind to other people. I've just had that experience more than once. What is it about it? I said? Is it Mother Teresa? Is it Gandhi? And this guy's thirty eight years old.

43:09 That would be like asking American how did JFK affect your life? And he's only thirty eight years old. It was like way before their time. It wasn't that he said this. He said that in India we look at what's good about other people and what's wrong with ourselves as try to fix what's wrong with ourselves. In America, it's quite different. We look at what's wrong with other people and think that we're a lot better than them, and it's just we've got to turn that around. We've just got to watch for the divine and other people, watch for what's right about other people, and just focus on that. I love it. I love it well, Paul. Thanks so much for being on the show. I think this is wonderful and I love how you've come up with this whole slightly different concept of something that was already existing and applied to it in a way that can help people.

44:02 Because again, consciously, I know that in order to change our lives, we have to consciously make an effort and do things differently. And here you've provided a tool and a game, as you say, to literally be able to consciously make those changes. And I know what will happen for those that do this because I've experienced this, is you get to the point where you start to really feel that sense of peace, that sense of love, and guess what, as you get to that point in time, you're going to find that you feel healthier, that you have better relationships, that overall life is so much better. So for your contribution to that, thank you so much. I think that's wonderful. Thank you, doctor Doug. And it really has been a pleasure to be with you today. I look forward to listening to our podcast as well as many of others that you've done well.

44:59 Thank you and folks, thanks for listening. Hope you really enjoyed this, and go to roleoflove dot com and take a look at those things, because I think that you'll find that for many who are seeking to do this but haven't figured out how, here's a methodology that allows you to actually do it. So have a great week, Love that you listen to us, and hope you'll join us again soon. This is doctor Doug saying no mistay